Humility and Anxiety

When anxious thoughts disturb sleep at night and invade like storm troopers by day, the porch swing offers soothing medication and meditation. Pushing off just once, I then glide, sing, and inhale … repeat. On one recent medicinal application on the swing, I asked myself if my anxiety could be recording a lack of humility.When Dave married me, almost 50 years ago, he knew I was a polio survivor, but neither of us knew about post polio syndrome. And chronic pain. But what person ever knows how their road will wind?Anyone who experiences pain or grief, understands anxiety. Ask any cancer survivor how he/she sleeps the night before the “routine” follow-up exam. Or consider all the celebratory dates a widow/widower walks through after the death of a loved one. The first Christmas or birthday or anniversary looms ominously ahead. Please hear me out: I realize a need for medication to control depression may be needed. I’ve been there too. But today, on the swing, I long for a larger dose of humility to curb my anxiety. Will I stop thinking I have to solve each problem, end each ache, or dismiss my misery this side of the grave? Will I truly live my Sunday theology the rest of the week? While I fully believe God is sovereign, omnipotent, omniscient and omnipresent, to such a degree that I will live out those tenets once I leave the pew? Francis Chan, in his study of the Holy Spirit, gives a powerful illustration. If a football team huddled midfield, called a play and then returned to the bench, we’d wonder what was up. Ten minutes later the team would regroup midfield, call another play, and then return to the bench. Would you follow such a game? The fans would be screaming for the team to run a play! But if the church gathers to study, worship, and affirm biblical truth in a Sunday holy huddle, but runs no real plays all week, merely huddling up the next week, who wants this faith?so today, I look above at the trees and ask the Holy Spirit to better match my belief and my behavior. Holy Spirit, please give me the humility to cast my anxieties on you today.

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